An electric shock!

Somehow, subconsciously, when we {bitch} and complain we hope that we will perhaps cause an “electric shock” in others.

an-eletric-shock

We think that by showing our annoyance in our tone, by demonstrating (sometimes just by innuendo) that it is their fault, and by exaggerating a bit (or a lot!), then they will understand that they must change or that they have to do something to solve the problem.

Yet it is proven over and over again that someone put in the position of “culprit” has no desire to cooperate!

That person feels threatened and won’t consider our words or our needs. We hoped to rally them to our cause but instead, they end up fleeing or, even worse, attacking us.

©2016

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

Give yourself permission to recharge your batteries!

Summer or not, many of us don’t get to go on a long vacation… but we can take time for a getaway and even make a habit of it!

Brownies

In his book, The Charge,* Brendon Burchard talks about, among other things, the importance of seeking challenges that will help you live life to its fullest.

It will come as no surprise that I am an advocate of many topics in his book. Following my 21 days “I Quit Complaining Challenge” (in French “J’arrête de râler”), I decided to undertake other challenges, such as 21 days of drinking vegetable juice for breakfast, 21 days in dresses, 21 days to celebrate, 21 days without media, 21 days of sit-ups…

One of the challenges in Burchard’s book that grabbed my attention is the  “90 days getaway challenge”. This challenge consists of planning a getaway alone, or as a couple, every 90 days to recharge our batteries and reconnect with ourselves. There’s no need anymore to wait for official “vacation”! Whoohoo!

When I read about this idea my heart started to sing!!! Take a getaway every 90 days to recharge your batteries. (Your cousin’s wedding across the country doesn’t count as a getaway.) A getaway for a day, a weekend, or a week (without the kids), to disconnect from daily life, without any phone or emails… just taking a little time for ourselves!

Take a little time to try something new and different. For instance, discover a new city, dive into a new book, start a new activity, participate in a program to reconnect with yourself (a spiritual retreat, some coaching, or the  Wake Up! seminar!)

It’s your turn:

  • What would you do if you could take off for a day, or a few days alone or with your spouse, to recharge your batteries? Make a list of all the things that would do you good, bring you serenity and help your growth. (Be careful not to censure yourself, make a list of everything that makes YOUR heart sing!)
  • Take a look at your calendar and schedule dates for your 4 upcoming getaways in the next 12 months (one every 3 months). Have fun with it! Dream!
  • Take time to plan with your spouse the logistics of your getaway (budget, childcare) to make this project a reality. If need be, start a special “getaway piggy bank” to help finance your projects.

Happy getaways!

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

©2016

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

The power of Habit!

The power of habit - blog (1)

“Hundreds of habits influence our days—they guide how we get dressed in the morning, talk to our kids, and fall asleep at night; they impact what we eat for lunch, how we do business, and whether we exercise or have a beer after work. Each of them has a different cue and offers a unique reward. Some are simple and others are complex, drawing upon emotional triggers and offering subtle neurochemical prizes. But every habit, no matter its complexity, is malleable. The most severely addicted alcoholics can become sober. The most dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. A high school dropout can become a successful manager. However, to modify a habit, you must decide to change it. You must consciously accept the hard work of identifying the cues and rewards that drive the habit’s routines, then find alternatives and support. You must know you have control and be self-conscious enough to use it—and every chapter in this book is devoted to illustrating a different aspect of why that control is real.”

—Charles Duhigg from The Power of Habit

When I decided to start my 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining I did it because I realized that I was constantly “resisting” my days.  I was not conscious of this dynamic because the resistance was mild but it was always there and it showed up in those complaints. I would come home and complain about the mess in my house, the dirty dishes in the sink, about other cars on the road (bad driving is like bad breath, you notice it only when it is someone else’s!) I was complaining about my emails or about my Internet provider – all day long without being aware of it, I was resisting. It was a habit!

I did not want to realize on my deathbed that I had spent my entire life resisting it. I wanted to savor this life – with the messy house, with the demanding kids, with the emails… I wanted to create a new relationship with my (not always very sexy) life.

I undertook a challenge because I wanted to set myself free from this habit.  I knew that having the “intention” to embrace my everyday frustrations with a positive attitude was not going to be enough; I knew that the next day I was going to get caught up in the spiral of daily routines and that I was simply going to forget my good intention.

I wanted to train my brain and create new habits, habits that would set me free from falling into “victim mode,” habits that would allow me to be more present and more responsible in my life.

Can you identify negative habits that get in the way of fully enjoying your life?

If complaining is one of them, I invite you to start the challenge today!

You can read in more detail about the beginning of my journey with the challenge here. The challenge may take you 21 days or even a year, but I guarantee it will change your life!

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com . visit her Instagram page and  her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

A powerful tool, concrete and delicious!

Those of you who follow my writing and the message I bring know that two of my favorite themes are learning not to be a victim of everyday life and dare to take risks.

Today I am sharing with you a delicious, concrete and powerful tool that has the potential to transform your life – the gratitude list.

Copy of A powerful tool

 

It’s easy!

What you need:

A pencil or pen and something to write on. You will place them close to your bed or on your desk.

How?

Every night before you sleep, write down everything that was positive in your day. Regardless of the trials, you were faced with in that day, write a list of things, people, and events that brought you well-being and made you grateful.

The point is not to write a novel!

In the beginning, especially when we are confronted with a particularly trying day, it may seem impossible. So we delve a little deeper and we write things that we tend to consider “a given,” such as,

-I am healthy -I have enough to eat -I have a comfortable bed -I have a job…

The following day may be a very good day and you’ll find plenty of other things to write, such as,

-My colleagues and I had a very nice lunch -My daughter scored 10 out of 10 in math -I love my yoga class -My sister visited me -It was sunny all day…

By practicing this little exercise every day, you will find that you’ll discover more and more ‘little things’ for which you are grateful that you were not necessarily conscious of!

-The cat is purring -My neighbor smiled at me -There was no traffic on the freeway -I heard an interesting interview on the radio…

In short, all those little details that give flavor to our daily lives and which, once finally recognized and appreciated, help us little by little to build a whole new perspective on life. Your gratitude list will help shine a light on the ‘beautiful and the good’ around you.

It will help you to appreciate and therefore cultivate the abundance and brilliance of your life

I assure you that cultivating gratitude is worth it! Try it and you’ll see.

Neuroscience proves it; I recommend this article based on research conducted at the University of Berkeley in California  “expanding the science and practice of gratitude”

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com . visit her Instagram page and  her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

6 steps to communicate so that you can be heard

A few months ago I wrote an article titled: Learning to express our needs and frustrations differently.part 1 and part 2

Today I want to share with you a visual that I have created to remind myself of this process. I printed it, taped it to my fridge and I am using it every day.

Because sometimes we do have something to say to the people around us. We do need them to help us meet our needs. But it’s not always easy to communicate. The more important the need is, the more chances we have to slip into our blaming and complaining habit and let’s face it it’s exhausting to complain and not feel heard.

6 steps canva

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

No Complaining at Work: Myth or Reality? Part II

I Stop Complaining Office

No Complaining at Work: Myth or Reality? Part II

It seems to me that to be able to stop complaining at work, it is important to understand why we complain in the first place? Then, we can identify the changes that we can make to EXPERIENCE our life at work differently.

So why do we complain at work?

We complain because we need acknowledgement. We whine because we want others to realize all that we do. Nowadays our need for acknowledgment is not always easy to be fulfilled  because  with the use of computers  our work load is less noticeable in the eyes of others. In reality, we complain because we’re going through a hard time and we want everyone to know about it. Isn’t that right?

We complain because we need to connect with others. Have you noticed how when we complain there is always someone who joins in? This is why we start complaining the minute we arrive at  work. We complain about the weather, about public transportation, about our emails overload, about our never ending list of things to do …. sometimes even before simply saying good morning! Complaining is like a low frequency/low engagement conversation so its easy to vent around the coffee machine at break time.

We also complain to be seen and heard and to put ourselves on a pedestal. We complain to be right and to make the other people wrong, we say that they don’t understand, that it’s not our fault, and that the others are guilty ( sometimes we conveniently omit a few details to make ourselves look good and take no responsibility)

It’s easier to complain than to take action. I notice for myself that it’s easier to complain to accuse and blame others  and prove that we are victims than to roll up our sleeves to create change! It’s easy to complain, easier than to take a stand. When we complain we are often like the spectators on the benches at the sporting event commenting the game.  ( and judging the qualities of the players and their strategies) It’s so much easier to be seating in the stands than to dare get up from the benches and go on the playground.

Let’s be clear, when we complain we are not doing anything wrong. We are not hurting people after all. We all have in our surroundings a colleague who is always complaining and gets on everybody’s nerves. I would like today to address everyone else. All those who like me have a tendency to complain without being aggressive but who complain by habit. Those who have a tendency to endure all the little petty annoyances and ruminate all day long under their breath, among friends having coffee and even sometimes all in good fun!

The problem is that complaining doesn’t make things go any faster or smoother. We may think that complaining makes things happen and helps us get what we want but the truth is  that when someone is complaining at me I have only two possible reactions: I either get away and plug my ears (to protect myself from the annoyance) or I defend myself and start a fight ( who likes to me made wrong ? not me)

Complaining prevents our emotional intelligence to kick in. Rather than looking for solutions, to use common sense and to try to communicate our needs, we choose the strategy to accuse the other and to blame them for our misfortunes.

I noticed that when we complain we think we are punishing others when in fact we are punishing ourselves. We hold on to our frustrations like a precious treasure. We transform our problems into dramas instead of looking at them like they are problems that we can overcome. We exaggerate, we amplify, we cannot find the right words…and in the end we spend our day with a grey cloud over our heads which prevents us from noticing the blue sky. In the end, we go to bed exhausted and as if we’ve had to endure the whole day instead of living and enjoying it.

It’s as if we get to work in the morning with the illusion that everything is going to go as planned without any obstacles, without any delays  and that everyone around us will comply and act according to our desires whether it be our colleagues, our suppliers, or even our work tools. So when things get sidetracked,  we start to complain and have a breakdown sort of speak. We are in the end the first ones to endure our bad mood ( and our bad will)

What about you? What do you get out of complaining at work ?  Need more concrete tips?

Be sure you did not miss Part I of article  and the special  5 tips to stop complaining at work!

Share it with your friends or colleagues 🙂

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2014

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

I am NOT a Victim!

When we feel like a victim, victimized by our boss, our job, (or lack of job), the economic crisis, politics, spouse, our family, we tend to victimize ourselves on our own especially in our conversations. We waste a lot of energy blaming others and not taking any responsibility. It’s everybody’s fault  – our spouse,  children, boss, colleagues, the President, the administration, service providers  – and the list goes on and on…. and on! We have nothing to do with it!

Pointing finger

Personally, I discovered that I became quite an expert and developed  a talent to point the fingers at all the guilty people in my life. In some ways, it’s pleasant to be a victim because if the other person is wrong then it must means I am right!  If the other person is guilty then it’s his or her responsibility to find a solution  to the problem, it’s not mine! But in the end , what  I found  very troublesome lying just under the surface is that if I accuse the other person then it really implies that I am powerless and can do nothing about the situation!

Sometimes it’s actually easier to be a victim than to have the courage to stand up and take some action. When I act like a victim, I am in fact really giving away all my power to be able to create my own reality. In the end, I am the one who will suffer the consequences.

When I position myself as a victim in my conversations, I am making  a choice  to surrender my power to all the “guilty people” in my life. I point the finger and put my life and destiny in their  hands. One day I understood that I had the power to refuse pointing the finger  and  take full responsibility for my feelings and actions. Everyone can do it  too!

In our conversations when we talk to our friends, family or colleagues about our life,  we all have a need to open-up and share our problems .  Close friends and  our loved ones can provide this safety net of  non-judgemental compassion and support.  I am not saying that we cannot talk about our worries or problems, but we have to  remember that we also  have the power to REFUSE to play the role of a victim

This was a great eye-opener for me in my life! I  became aware that I was the one who victimized myself in my conversations and that in the end I had the choice to stop doing it.  I realized that when I act like a victim, I am actually giving away my power to others and empowering the guilty ones.  It’s not my fault  therefore I can do nothing about it and I am powerless to find a solution to my problem.

 It’s a great feeling when we become aware that we can choose not  to give away  our power! By changing what we say in our conversations , we can choose to empower the guilty ones or not.

Imagine, if you no longer point the finger and play the victim , if others are not guilty either then everything becomes possible, doesn’t it?

What are your thoughts?

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2014

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

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I Stop Complaining on TEDx Talks

Christine Lewicki’s TEDx Talk on her life challenge “I Stop Complaining!” *** from the French bestseller  “J’arrête de râler!”  is now available subtitled in English! (Just click on transcript” on You Tube) Enjoy and please share!

Christine Lewicki, mother of 3 children, business coach comes to the sudden realization after  a “horrible” day that she has just lived an ordinary day of her daily life and decides that evening  that complaining & bitching will never again be an option!

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2014

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives.” You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

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*** I Quit Complaining {and Bitching!} – US title 😉

 

I Stop Complaining! with Saskia Roell on Transformation Talk Radio – Breakthrough Miracles!

I had the great honor to be a guest twice on Saskia Roell ‘s Transformation Talk Radio show  Breakthrough Miracles!  I deeply Thank her for being such a great “I Stop Complaining!” supporter!  You can find all the replay of the shows  here and  take a listen of the latest conversation with Saskia by clicking  here!  I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with Saskia as we  talked about so many things and especially about all the miracles that took place after “I Stopped Complaining!” in my own life!


Host Profile: Saskia Roell – Breakthrough Miracles Radio can be found on Transformation Talk Radio.com every Wednesday at 6am Pacific / 9am Eastern !

What happens when you live a Soul-guided life? You say goodbye to your old, small self and say hello to your Soul. You breakthrough to a life that’s filled with miracles, abundance, adventure, and happiness. You have a Soul’s path that’s been calling you forever, but you may not know how to get there.

As a Soul Purpose Expert, radio host, bestselling author, co-author with Jack Canfield, Stephan Covey and Deepak Chopra, international speaker, clairvoyant healer and mother of five, Saskia successfully cracks the code to open the lives of her clients to bring their Soul purpose alive.

 

Christine Lewicki is the Author of “J’arrête de Râler” (AKA I Quit Complaining) {and Bitching!}  a French Bestseller, more than 80 000 copy sold,*** already translated in Spanish, Italian, Japanese and soon Chinese. (she is currently seeking a publisher in the US). Her book has been ranked number 2 after “The Secret” in the self-help section for many months in France. She is also an inspired and inspiring speaker, blogger and nomad Entrepreneur. She has clients in the US, Canada and Europe. Her work has received many accolades from the media, her clients and peers.Christine has been featured on the first page of yahoo.fr and the Huffington Post as well as on numerous national magazines, including Le Figaro, Elle and Marie-Claire in France. She also appeared several times on National Television and radio shows.In addition she is a wife and the mother of three beautiful young children. She lives in sunny Los Angeles California. Her life is busy and rich.

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2013

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

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 *** over 200, 000 copies sold as of July 2015

5 Tips to Quit Complaining at Work!

Readers of my French book “J’Arrête de Râler! “ – I Stop Complaining! and journalists often ask me to share tips on how to stop complaining. And yes, sometimes good intentions are not enough and we need to use some tricks to be able  to take the plunge and stop complaining.

Picture Credit:  Marie Claire article on “J’Arrête  de Râler!” 

I recently published an article called “7 Tips to Stop Complaining as Parents” and today in the spirit of Back to Business I wanted to share with you my best “5 Tips to Stop Complaining at Work!”

TIP # 1 – COMMUNICATE IN REAL TIME:
If something is troubling you, talk about it on the spot in real time when it is still fresh. Do not wait ! It’s in the waiting that the trouble usually appears. By the way I want to remind you that you can use the same technique to communicate about something you appreciate ( yes, why not?).

There is nothing worse than not “SAYING” things. When too much time has passed to express ourselves, misunderstandings and frustrations arise and become subjective interpretations which gradually create distance and discomfort between people. Unexpressed frustrations quickly turn into judgments of the other person in our own mind and ultimately our perception has nothing to do with reality. In addition, we unconsciously begin to find fault and evidence  to confirm our own judgment and bad thoughts  arise about the person. Eventually the situation explodes and both sides accused of all evils will be forced to defend themselves tooth and nail. Communication is no longer possible because it is too late. To stop complaining at work is also about identifying discomfort and  deciphering problems when they are  still relatively small. Also beware of  emails communication. They are real communication hazard loaded with potential  misunderstandings.

TIP #2 -CELEBRATE THE POSITIVE:

We often spend so much time complaining about what’s not working, why not switch gears and talk instead of the positive and what is working. Talk about our achievements, the contributions of our colleagues, the obstacles overcome, projects that are advancing …  Celebrate the positive and fill the tank with goodness, you identify strengths and talents, you realize that even if sometimes you feel you are stagnating in fact you are making progress!  It is wise to stop and address and confront problems in real time. What if you started all your business or staff meetings on a positive note spending  10 minutes to talk about and  highlight the positive and  the contributions of all concerned in the projects?

TIP # 3 – BE PERFECT WITH YOUR WORDS:  How many times have we found ourselves at work unconsciously muttering: “It’s always my fault” “It’s always the same” “This is hell” “They’re all incompetent” “They’re all thieves! “We generalize failures we exaggerate, we amplify and we do not use the right word. For example we blame our chronic lateness on traffic not owning that we are in fact  responsible for not  hitting  the road early enough. The worst  is that in the end we come to believe what we say and the words we speak become our reality. Can you imagine the serenity which could arise from simply having and using the right words? Saying things as they are is very liberating. Try it and see! To dig deeper on this subject I suggest you read the famous book: “The Four Agreements: The Path to Personal Freedom”

TIP #4 – REPLACE “BUT” BY “AND” : Instead of saying “you have done well BUT …. (and then accuses the other of something they’ve done wrong …).  Try saying ” you have done well AND “… (and continue by listing a progress track). BUT announces a judgment that we express and cancels the positive feedback that we have to make and it gives our partner the impression that we are hypocrites by giving a compliment only to better swallow the pill of criticism that we are about to administer ! By using the word AND instead it opens the door for creative development. We can say, “You have done well AND  it would be interesting next time  to…. (it works at work but also in your relationship and with  family! ) Try it, it’s magic!)

TIP # 5 – BECOME AWARE OF  YOUR COMPLAINT TRIGGERS : Often we complain out of sheer habit and don’t even realize we’re doing it. As soon as we get to the office in the morning we automatically complain about traffic, or rattle all day long about our back pain, our slow computer or the incompetence of our colleague or boss. We all have triggers that make us sound like a broken record. If you really want to stop complaining at work but is seems impossible at this time, then tackle it in stages: first identify YOUR TRIGGERS that automatically pop up  for you every day and focus on becoming aware and removing it one at a time and so on

I really hope these tips will be helpful and feel free to share this article with your networks and office! We spend so much time at work that it’s really sad to feel victimized and suffer. Work is such a wonderful arena to excel, discover, prove, assert ourselves and contribute and it can empower us in our lives if we allow it.

Good luck and do not hesitate to share your comments on this blog.

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2012

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

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PS: I now offer conferences & seminars for companies on
” Quit  Complaining at work!” Contact me if you are interested.

Related articles:

5 trucs pour arrêter de râler au boulot ( French article on J’Arrête de Râler! blog)

“7 Tips to Stop Complaining as Parents”