An electric shock!

Somehow, subconsciously, when we {bitch} and complain we hope that we will perhaps cause an “electric shock” in others.

an-eletric-shock

We think that by showing our annoyance in our tone, by demonstrating (sometimes just by innuendo) that it is their fault, and by exaggerating a bit (or a lot!), then they will understand that they must change or that they have to do something to solve the problem.

Yet it is proven over and over again that someone put in the position of “culprit” has no desire to cooperate!

That person feels threatened and won’t consider our words or our needs. We hoped to rally them to our cause but instead, they end up fleeing or, even worse, attacking us.

©2016

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

Give yourself permission to recharge your batteries!

Summer or not, many of us don’t get to go on a long vacation… but we can take time for a getaway and even make a habit of it!

Brownies

In his book, The Charge,* Brendon Burchard talks about, among other things, the importance of seeking challenges that will help you live life to its fullest.

It will come as no surprise that I am an advocate of many topics in his book. Following my 21 days “I Quit Complaining Challenge” (in French “J’arrête de râler”), I decided to undertake other challenges, such as 21 days of drinking vegetable juice for breakfast, 21 days in dresses, 21 days to celebrate, 21 days without media, 21 days of sit-ups…

One of the challenges in Burchard’s book that grabbed my attention is the  “90 days getaway challenge”. This challenge consists of planning a getaway alone, or as a couple, every 90 days to recharge our batteries and reconnect with ourselves. There’s no need anymore to wait for official “vacation”! Whoohoo!

When I read about this idea my heart started to sing!!! Take a getaway every 90 days to recharge your batteries. (Your cousin’s wedding across the country doesn’t count as a getaway.) A getaway for a day, a weekend, or a week (without the kids), to disconnect from daily life, without any phone or emails… just taking a little time for ourselves!

Take a little time to try something new and different. For instance, discover a new city, dive into a new book, start a new activity, participate in a program to reconnect with yourself (a spiritual retreat, some coaching, or the  Wake Up! seminar!)

It’s your turn:

  • What would you do if you could take off for a day, or a few days alone or with your spouse, to recharge your batteries? Make a list of all the things that would do you good, bring you serenity and help your growth. (Be careful not to censure yourself, make a list of everything that makes YOUR heart sing!)
  • Take a look at your calendar and schedule dates for your 4 upcoming getaways in the next 12 months (one every 3 months). Have fun with it! Dream!
  • Take time to plan with your spouse the logistics of your getaway (budget, childcare) to make this project a reality. If need be, start a special “getaway piggy bank” to help finance your projects.

Happy getaways!

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

©2016

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

The power of Habit!

The power of habit - blog (1)

“Hundreds of habits influence our days—they guide how we get dressed in the morning, talk to our kids, and fall asleep at night; they impact what we eat for lunch, how we do business, and whether we exercise or have a beer after work. Each of them has a different cue and offers a unique reward. Some are simple and others are complex, drawing upon emotional triggers and offering subtle neurochemical prizes. But every habit, no matter its complexity, is malleable. The most severely addicted alcoholics can become sober. The most dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. A high school dropout can become a successful manager. However, to modify a habit, you must decide to change it. You must consciously accept the hard work of identifying the cues and rewards that drive the habit’s routines, then find alternatives and support. You must know you have control and be self-conscious enough to use it—and every chapter in this book is devoted to illustrating a different aspect of why that control is real.”

—Charles Duhigg from The Power of Habit

When I decided to start my 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining I did it because I realized that I was constantly “resisting” my days.  I was not conscious of this dynamic because the resistance was mild but it was always there and it showed up in those complaints. I would come home and complain about the mess in my house, the dirty dishes in the sink, about other cars on the road (bad driving is like bad breath, you notice it only when it is someone else’s!) I was complaining about my emails or about my Internet provider – all day long without being aware of it, I was resisting. It was a habit!

I did not want to realize on my deathbed that I had spent my entire life resisting it. I wanted to savor this life – with the messy house, with the demanding kids, with the emails… I wanted to create a new relationship with my (not always very sexy) life.

I undertook a challenge because I wanted to set myself free from this habit.  I knew that having the “intention” to embrace my everyday frustrations with a positive attitude was not going to be enough; I knew that the next day I was going to get caught up in the spiral of daily routines and that I was simply going to forget my good intention.

I wanted to train my brain and create new habits, habits that would set me free from falling into “victim mode,” habits that would allow me to be more present and more responsible in my life.

Can you identify negative habits that get in the way of fully enjoying your life?

If complaining is one of them, I invite you to start the challenge today!

You can read in more detail about the beginning of my journey with the challenge here. The challenge may take you 21 days or even a year, but I guarantee it will change your life!

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com . visit her Instagram page and  her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

I am not a victim!

We are the victim when it comes to our boss, our job (or our lack of employment), the political crisis, our spouse, our family… you’ll notice that we often talk about ourselves as victims. We expend a lot of energy pointing out it’s not our fault – it’s the other person’s fault (our spouse, our children, our boss, our colleague, the President, the administration, service providers) we are in this mess!

I found out for myself that I had managed to develop a talent for pointing the finger at the culprits in my life. In a way, it’s fun to be a victim because if the others are wrong then I am necessarily right. If the other person is guilty then it is up to him to find a solution to the problem, not me. But in the end, what this means (annoyingly enough) is that if the blame is squarely on the other person, I am powerless to do anything.

I have the power to choose to not be a victim! (2)

It is true that it is often easier to be a victim than someone who acts, but when I decide that I am the victim I no longer have the power to take control of my life. In the end, it’s me who suffers the real consequences. Wouldn’t you agree?

When I cast myself as a victim I choose to give my power to the person who is supposedly “guilty.” By pointing the finger I make them the master of my destiny. I realized one day that I was able to refuse to function this way and I have no doubt that you can as well.

We talk to our friends, our relatives, our colleagues, about our lives because we need to interact and share our problems and, yes, that is an inherent part of love and friendship, as are compassion and support… All that is good. I am not saying that we cannot discuss our problems and share our suffering, far from it. But we have the power to REFUSE to cast ourselves as victims of anything, or anyone.

This is one of the biggest revelations of my life, that I was casting myself as a victim and I could easily choose not to.

I think it’s amazing to realize that we have that choice!

By looking at how we talk about ourselves and our problems, we have the choice to either give our power to the so-called culprits… Or not.

Imagine, if you are a no longer a victim, if others are not guilty… Then anything is possible! No?

©2016

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.comand visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

WHEN YOU TRY TO HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL

Life in the  21st century compels us to constantly climb up the ladder of success and become better organized. For most of us, this translates into being successful in our career, having a tranquil family life, having time for ourselves and being in good health. We put increasing pressure on ourselves, often driven by others’ expectations or by the standards imposed by society.

The boundary between work and private life is often blurred and everything overlaps in our agenda. We must succeed in everything and we are trying in vain to have a balanced life! Meetings, sport classes, family, kids’  afters school activities, things to finish up, errands to run … Our time is very precious and we are trying hard to balance it all throughout the day. 

Balance rocks

In our quest to successfully manage everything, we may  feel the need  to have everything under control, and our tolerance for the unexpected or for obstacles in the way  becomes very limited.
When we finally realize that we cannot control what happens in our lives, we can become  terribly frustrated because we feel slowed down and obstructed in our race and in our quest for balance. This can cause us to … start complaining.

It’s so frustrating not being able to control everything that happens around us, especially people and their reactions !  We learn that  life is not a theater stage and that we cannot always change the setting and decors  according to our wishes  and that we cannot direct others as a director does with actors. Quite often, things don’t go as we would like to or as we had planned. Even if we think we know exactly what is good for us, unfortunately, we cannot always choose what happens to us. If we believe that we can control others in our lives, we are delusional and we set ourselves up for major frustrations.

This quit complaining challenge helped me realize that it’s normal not to be able to control others like puppets. And that it’s essential to take in consideration a few things:

  • yes, others are also human beings like me and it ‘s  an illusion to believe that I can tell them to obey my wishes  at the lift of a finger;
  • and yes, sometimes things are slowed down, others are blocking my progress and disagree with my plans;
  • and yes, sometimes others are not ready, they may want to move slower or they may need to explore, to reflect …  they may even want to do things totally differently;
  • and yes, I am not all-powerful (darn!)… yet, I refuse to let this upset my overall life plans

The bottom line is that the less I complain,  the more likely I am to achieve my daily goals and make some space for what really matters, and this, with a smile on my face.

NB: This article was written earlier at the beginning of my 21 day Quit Complaining Challenge and since then, I have made great strides in balancing and juggling my personal and professional  life, which led to another book called WAKE  UP ! Four Fundamental Principles to Stop Living Life Half Asleep. I will share some of those tips from my bilingual coaching blog in future posts!

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2014

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

We Are Not Gods!

Let’s face it: we are not gods!

We will never be able to control others like puppets and expect our colleagues, friends, kids and even the other drivers on the highway to do and behave exactly as we’d like them to!

We cannot control the weather forecast, traffic, or the moods and behaviors of others but on the other hand, we can ALWAYS control the way we see, interpret or react to any situation. This is what makes us individuals and ultimately human beings.

Let’s become aware that the manner in which we experience and react to a crisis or a challenge in our life is only the outcome of our representation of our own making. Nothing is ever static and in fact our reality is only a reflection of what we choose to SEE. One way to help change our reality and transform our interpretation of circumstances is to stop complaining about it.

In fact, when you come to realize that your worst enemy could very well be your best friend, your life will never be the same. When you can change your representation of what they did to you and reconnect from a place of acceptance and a desire to understand their own point of view of the situation, then you can create some real communication and friendship. Let me warn you that in this specific case, you might also need to admit that you are part of the reason why the relationship turned bad. They is so much power in saying “I am sorry” and taking responsibilities.

Bottom line, your own interpretation of people and events contributes to your reality and there’s always another way…if only…

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2011

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual