An electric shock!

Somehow, subconsciously, when we {bitch} and complain we hope that we will perhaps cause an “electric shock” in others.

an-eletric-shock

We think that by showing our annoyance in our tone, by demonstrating (sometimes just by innuendo) that it is their fault, and by exaggerating a bit (or a lot!), then they will understand that they must change or that they have to do something to solve the problem.

Yet it is proven over and over again that someone put in the position of “culprit” has no desire to cooperate!

That person feels threatened and won’t consider our words or our needs. We hoped to rally them to our cause but instead, they end up fleeing or, even worse, attacking us.

©2016

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

The power of Habit!

The power of habit - blog (1)

“Hundreds of habits influence our days—they guide how we get dressed in the morning, talk to our kids, and fall asleep at night; they impact what we eat for lunch, how we do business, and whether we exercise or have a beer after work. Each of them has a different cue and offers a unique reward. Some are simple and others are complex, drawing upon emotional triggers and offering subtle neurochemical prizes. But every habit, no matter its complexity, is malleable. The most severely addicted alcoholics can become sober. The most dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. A high school dropout can become a successful manager. However, to modify a habit, you must decide to change it. You must consciously accept the hard work of identifying the cues and rewards that drive the habit’s routines, then find alternatives and support. You must know you have control and be self-conscious enough to use it—and every chapter in this book is devoted to illustrating a different aspect of why that control is real.”

—Charles Duhigg from The Power of Habit

When I decided to start my 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining I did it because I realized that I was constantly “resisting” my days.  I was not conscious of this dynamic because the resistance was mild but it was always there and it showed up in those complaints. I would come home and complain about the mess in my house, the dirty dishes in the sink, about other cars on the road (bad driving is like bad breath, you notice it only when it is someone else’s!) I was complaining about my emails or about my Internet provider – all day long without being aware of it, I was resisting. It was a habit!

I did not want to realize on my deathbed that I had spent my entire life resisting it. I wanted to savor this life – with the messy house, with the demanding kids, with the emails… I wanted to create a new relationship with my (not always very sexy) life.

I undertook a challenge because I wanted to set myself free from this habit.  I knew that having the “intention” to embrace my everyday frustrations with a positive attitude was not going to be enough; I knew that the next day I was going to get caught up in the spiral of daily routines and that I was simply going to forget my good intention.

I wanted to train my brain and create new habits, habits that would set me free from falling into “victim mode,” habits that would allow me to be more present and more responsible in my life.

Can you identify negative habits that get in the way of fully enjoying your life?

If complaining is one of them, I invite you to start the challenge today!

You can read in more detail about the beginning of my journey with the challenge here. The challenge may take you 21 days or even a year, but I guarantee it will change your life!

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com . visit her Instagram page and  her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

A powerful tool, concrete and delicious!

Those of you who follow my writing and the message I bring know that two of my favorite themes are learning not to be a victim of everyday life and dare to take risks.

Today I am sharing with you a delicious, concrete and powerful tool that has the potential to transform your life – the gratitude list.

Copy of A powerful tool

 

It’s easy!

What you need:

A pencil or pen and something to write on. You will place them close to your bed or on your desk.

How?

Every night before you sleep, write down everything that was positive in your day. Regardless of the trials, you were faced with in that day, write a list of things, people, and events that brought you well-being and made you grateful.

The point is not to write a novel!

In the beginning, especially when we are confronted with a particularly trying day, it may seem impossible. So we delve a little deeper and we write things that we tend to consider “a given,” such as,

-I am healthy -I have enough to eat -I have a comfortable bed -I have a job…

The following day may be a very good day and you’ll find plenty of other things to write, such as,

-My colleagues and I had a very nice lunch -My daughter scored 10 out of 10 in math -I love my yoga class -My sister visited me -It was sunny all day…

By practicing this little exercise every day, you will find that you’ll discover more and more ‘little things’ for which you are grateful that you were not necessarily conscious of!

-The cat is purring -My neighbor smiled at me -There was no traffic on the freeway -I heard an interesting interview on the radio…

In short, all those little details that give flavor to our daily lives and which, once finally recognized and appreciated, help us little by little to build a whole new perspective on life. Your gratitude list will help shine a light on the ‘beautiful and the good’ around you.

It will help you to appreciate and therefore cultivate the abundance and brilliance of your life

I assure you that cultivating gratitude is worth it! Try it and you’ll see.

Neuroscience proves it; I recommend this article based on research conducted at the University of Berkeley in California  “expanding the science and practice of gratitude”

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com . visit her Instagram page and  her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

6 steps to communicate so that you can be heard

A few months ago I wrote an article titled: Learning to express our needs and frustrations differently.part 1 and part 2

Today I want to share with you a visual that I have created to remind myself of this process. I printed it, taped it to my fridge and I am using it every day.

Because sometimes we do have something to say to the people around us. We do need them to help us meet our needs. But it’s not always easy to communicate. The more important the need is, the more chances we have to slip into our blaming and complaining habit and let’s face it it’s exhausting to complain and not feel heard.

6 steps canva

©2016

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

I am not a victim!

We are the victim when it comes to our boss, our job (or our lack of employment), the political crisis, our spouse, our family… you’ll notice that we often talk about ourselves as victims. We expend a lot of energy pointing out it’s not our fault – it’s the other person’s fault (our spouse, our children, our boss, our colleague, the President, the administration, service providers) we are in this mess!

I found out for myself that I had managed to develop a talent for pointing the finger at the culprits in my life. In a way, it’s fun to be a victim because if the others are wrong then I am necessarily right. If the other person is guilty then it is up to him to find a solution to the problem, not me. But in the end, what this means (annoyingly enough) is that if the blame is squarely on the other person, I am powerless to do anything.

I have the power to choose to not be a victim! (2)

It is true that it is often easier to be a victim than someone who acts, but when I decide that I am the victim I no longer have the power to take control of my life. In the end, it’s me who suffers the real consequences. Wouldn’t you agree?

When I cast myself as a victim I choose to give my power to the person who is supposedly “guilty.” By pointing the finger I make them the master of my destiny. I realized one day that I was able to refuse to function this way and I have no doubt that you can as well.

We talk to our friends, our relatives, our colleagues, about our lives because we need to interact and share our problems and, yes, that is an inherent part of love and friendship, as are compassion and support… All that is good. I am not saying that we cannot discuss our problems and share our suffering, far from it. But we have the power to REFUSE to cast ourselves as victims of anything, or anyone.

This is one of the biggest revelations of my life, that I was casting myself as a victim and I could easily choose not to.

I think it’s amazing to realize that we have that choice!

By looking at how we talk about ourselves and our problems, we have the choice to either give our power to the so-called culprits… Or not.

Imagine, if you are a no longer a victim, if others are not guilty… Then anything is possible! No?

©2016

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.comand visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

Today is not just another day !

Today is not just another day… This day has been given to you. It’s a gift!

Open your eyes and look at the sky, at the face of people around you. Open your heart and see the beauty that is surrounding you.

Gratitude: The Short Film by Louie Schwartzberg from ecodads on Vimeo.

We are so good at complaining about all those times when life (and others) don’t meet our expectations. As 2016 is just starting, how about letting go of our resistance to enjoy our “not always very sexy lives”?

How about learning to embrace this life as it is. Simply beautiful and perfect (despite all its imperfections!).

©2016

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

 

Complaining about others can hurt you …

This is an awesome article we read and want to share with you from  Michael Hyatt’s blog . “7 Steps to becoming a happy person others want to be around”  talks about the effects and consequences of complaining about others and how it affects us and the world around us. What kind of person do you want to be? Someone who repels and disgruntles others with their constant complaining and negative outlook on life or someone who brings joy, positive energy and inspires respect and trust in others?

Happy people are positive people and  do not complain

Read a short extract from Michael Hyatt’s article here:

“He grumbled about his literary agent, his booking agent, and his publisher. No one, it seems, measured up to his standards. I tried to change the subject, but he persisted.

The conversation made me feel very uncomfortable. I finally had enough and excused myself. I felt a little rude, but I didn’t want to steep in his brew of negativity.

As I thought about this, I realized how destructive complaining about others is. My author friend didn’t make me think less of the people he grumbled about; it made me think less of him.

Complaining about others has the potential to hurt you in four specific ways.

  1. It trains your brain. I remember when I bought my first Lexus. I never really noticed Lexus cars before. But suddenly, they seemed to be everywhere. This demonstrates the principle that you see more of what you notice. If you focus on people’s faults, you will find even more of them.
  2. It makes you miserable. My author friend was not happy. His humor was biting and sarcastic. He seemed entitled and discontent. His attitude was highly toxic—which was why I felt the need to get away from him. He was contagious!
  3. People pull away. One of the consequences of complaining is that healthy people don’t want to hang around you. They avoid you. As a result, you miss scores of great opportunities, both social and business ones.
  4. People don’t trust you. This is perhaps the saddest consequence of all. As my friend was complaining about others, I began to wonder, What does he say about me when I am not around. I then instinctively thought, I don’t trust him.

After I left the presence of my negative friend, I bumped into an agent friend, who is one of the most positive, encouraging people I know. He told me about all the great things happening in his life and business.

Whenever he mentioned someone’s name, he raved about them. He exuded gratitude. I didn’t want to leave his presence. It was like balm to my soul.

My second friend was such a contrast to the first, it made me realize these are two entirely different mindsets and approaches to life. The good news is that if you are a negative person, you don’t have to stay that way.”

Read the full article here!!!  Thank you

You can still join the on-going  Global 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining. and join the Facebook event!

 Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

What is Your Recurrent Complaint?

What is you recurrent complaint? Is there a complaint that comes out of your mouth more often than others. This one is almost automatic, it comes back almost every day, sometimes even many times during the same day, or even first thing upon awakening.

For me, I found that my recurrent complaint has been “I am too fat”, or “I am not making enough money”, or ” I spend too much time on my emails”.

As soon as I decided to embark on this journey to quit complaining, I realized that I had to start to do something different in my life if I wanted to get a different result. As Einstein says it very well “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”.

Insanity Eisntein

So, I decided to replace insanity with discipline. If I wanted to stop complaining about my body I had to do something every day toward getting fit or else I should let go of my expectation to have a fit body ! Simple, right ?

We complain when there is gap between what we expect and  our reality. The most powerful way to reduce suffering and thus the complaining that goes with it is to reduce this gap. Either we work on improving  our reality, or we work on letting go of our expectations!

That’s when discipline becomes our best friend. Instead of seeing discipline as a constraint we start to see it as our key to freedom and fulfillment. Setting free of our frustrations, dealing with them one day at a time to create the life that we truly want.

You cannot be happy without discipline. In fact, if you want to measure the level of happiness in your life, measure your level of discipline. You will never have more happiness than you have discipline. The two are directly linked to each other. If you want to increase the level of fulfillment and happiness in a certain area of your life, increase your level of discipline in that area of your life. On the other hand, if you find that you are altogether too happy too much of the time, you may want to think about decreasing the level of discipline in your life. Discipline and happiness are directly linked.”   ~ Matthew Kelly from Perfectly Yourself

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

I, the Complainer!

Complaining-Quote

What gave me the idea of embarking on this challenge was to realize that even though I am generally rather positive, I often found myself in frustrating or irritating situations where I would play the victim and…complained.

Many times, I realized that I would go to bed completely exhausted from everything that “happened to me” during the day. Under my so called“good life” I had the lingering impression of constantly fighting… to get the kids to school, get my work done, be on time, manage work and family and all the problems. Too often I went to bed feeling that I just had a terrible day.

Strangely enough, that “ terrible day”  day was usually simply a “ normal” day of my life. Nothing really bad happened. Actually, it was ordinary , like every day… It was what I like to call now my “ not always very sexy life”.

I wanted to learn to enjoy this daily life.  I was sick and tired of  telling myself that when my three kids would grow up (especially the young one), when my business would be successful, when I would have time for myself, when I would be on vacation, when my family could help me this summer, etc. In short, later, only later, would I be able to live better.

Why wait for tomorrow to finally be happy? It’s a shame after all, because isn’t daily life real life.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow doesn’t exist…Only today matters most”. I had heard this before, but it wasn’t until then that I decided to put those words into practice.

I am a “mompreneur” and my days are filled with my business (O Coaching Inc), my three kids attending three different schools and all their extracurricular activities (swimming, guitar, piano…), my volunteering activities, my life as a woman, wife and mom…and all of this at more than 6 000 miles from my family in a very fast-paced city!

That’s how one night I  found myself in bed, my head on the pillow and eyes wide open, trying to find a way to lighten up my daily life and feel more satisfied right at this moment, no matter how chaotic my life seemed to be.

We all have happy and joyful moments in our lives. Weekends, vacations, birthdays, dinners with friends filled with laughter, dates, weddings, travels…We also have all these little moments like getting a massage, a moment to take care of ourselves. All these moments are times of happiness and fulfillment that break the routine. But we must also realize that these moments are relatively limited and unfortunately conditioned by an external context quite rare, if not exceptional.

So what about the rest of our life? Our daily life is much more ordinary, punctuated with different obligations…When I thought about it, I realized how sad it was to let life pass me by without trying to enjoy all these “normal” hours of my life as if they were something that “happened to me”.

I want happiness every day…because I know that one day or another, I won’t be here anymore. Each minute is like gold. My life is a gift, and I intend on living it at the fullest.  I realized that what really got to me were all those moments spent complaining. Doing things while resisting them, getting irritated at the computer, complaining in the car, gossiping with the others, whining  about the kids,  wheezing and yes even sometimes“bitching”I was not doing anything “ wrong” or truly damaging but in the end it polluted my life and, let’s face it, didn’t get me anywhere.

I am the kind of person who always says how “beautiful life is”, so why complain? I wasn’t depressed, rather in good health, mostly happy and positive, happily married, in love with my kids, I had a great job…But still, no matter what the circumstances, I found a way to complain and to go bed frustrated, exhausted, drained…

“Whether we are feeling happy or unhappy at any given moment often has very little to do with our absolute conditions but, rather it is a function of how we perceive our situation, how satisfied we are with what we have.” The Dalai Lama

That’s when I told myself: and what if I just stopped complaining? Yes, I know, I wrote “just”, but I now realize after the challenge that it’s not as easy as it seems. The idea for me was to mostly choose between discussing happiness, read a bunch of books and attend seminars on the topic, or to actually start doing something different today to experience happiness. That’s how I decided to start; by not complaining at all for 21 days in a row! I was curious to see what would happen.

I’ve been living in the United States for more than ten years now, and this type of challenge is pretty common here, to stop smoking, to meditate, loose weight, be grateful…so I told myself that there was no going back, I had to do it until the end for myself, my life, my family. I’ll delve deeper into the “why” of these 21 days in the third part of this book.

When I started my challenge, I had no idea of the actual amount of complaining I was doing (it was a shock!!!), or what I would gain from the experience. This blog is here to share with you my biggest lessons.

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker, and Certified Coach. She is committed  to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

The Art of Complaining… without Complaining

A survey taken near 6,000 people by scientists in psychology from the German University of Lena would tend to demonstrate that complaining is good for your health and  your life span according to an article in the French newspaper Parisien.

The survey also concludes that to bottle-up your emotions could lead to cardiac acceleration which could increase the risks of hypertension or health problems in the long run.  Apparently, we all agree that containing our frustrations inside would be far more dangerous than to express them. The article then ponders if complaining “which is considered like a  French national sport” has become the norm. The article forewarns us that the act of complaining must respect certain rules…”

The method shared in J’arrête de râler! aka “I Quit Complaining” (over 300 000 copies sold) invites us to give ourselves the means to take care of our needs. Many readers have testified to tell us how this challenge had allowed them to really get a handle on their negative complaining and their lives. We are far from the idea of not expressing our frustrations which could lead to depression.

IQC communicateThe challenge makes us take a real look at our complaints so we can become aware of them, take charge and not suffer from them.  We seek to understand why we complain and to express our frustrations without complaining.

Why, you may ask, without complaining?  Because we learned and found out that complaining, although it expresses our need, is really not very good strategy to obtain what we really want in the long run. If complaining really worked, then we would have no other reason to complain since all our needs would be met. Often complaining doesn’t provide lasting real change and we find ourselves again complaining about something else or the same thing over and over again. We cultivate and get stuck in a spiral of frustration that drains and pollutes our life.

TO QUIT COMPLAINING DOESN’T MEAN BOTTLING-UP OUR EMOTIONS 

It really is an art to know how to express ourselves without complaining!

Life will bring us trials and difficulties. People will upset us and prevent us from doing what we’d like to do. And it’s frankly aggravating, but true… However, we cannot accept everything. We cannot allow others to walk all  over us and  treat us like doormats. It’s important to be able to express what we don’t like and what doesn’t suit us. If we keep our feelings bottled in we risk exploding in what I call the ” pressure cooker” effect where our only outlet and alternative is to complain and vent out our frustrations too often contained.

The I Quit Complaining Challenge invites us to express our emotions more appropriately with less aggression. We learn to ask others what we need with force and determination without any drama.  We realize then that we greatly increase our chances to be heard and our needs to be really taken in consideration .

TO QUIT COMPLAINING IS A CHOICE AND A WAY OF LIFE  

Serenity is a choice that we can make today, whatever our circumstances. We can choose to experience our frustrations differently and realize that complaining is a habit deeply anchored in us ( just like smoking) which cannot disappear overnight.  During 21 consecutive days we learn to change our outlook on our daily life, we learn to delve into our resources so we no longer suffer the problems of life and so that we can better savor all the hidden treasures.

To quit complaining is of course, choosing to see life in a positive light and it’s an important lesson… however seeing “life through  rose-colored glasses” is not enough. To quit complaining is really about putting an end to acting like a victim of everything and everyone. We stop pointing the finger at the guilty people in our life and we devote our resources and energy to become actors and co-creators  of solutions.

When we quit complaining, we eliminate a big layer of pollution in our life  so that we can finally take advance of the blue sky.  We spend our energy on what propels us forward and we can have enjoy the freedom to take advantage of what life has to offer us.

4 TIPS TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS AND GET WHAT WE WANT: 

1. Identify the real need hiding under the emotion. For example: am I complaining because I asked my child several times to empty the dishwasher, or am I really complaining because I feel the whole housekeeping logistics is on my shoulders and this is not working for me?

2. Use the rights words and resist the tendency to exaggerate. Example: often when we complain we are so afraid that we won’t be heard that we exaggerate and amplify. We transform the problem in a drama, we say :” I asked you 100 times to do this or that” or “It’s always the same thing” , “It’s killing me!”

3. Express our frustration without the need to make the other guilty is an art to establish our limits and make our demands without accusing the other. Example: instead of saying ” You never  help me ! “, I can say ” I feel like I am speaking in a vacuum and that every thing lies on my shoulders and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be in this position. I need your help.” Of course this takes more self-control, but I can guarantee that it’s much more effective to obtain what we want and need.

4. Accept that we cannot force others to do what we want when we want (really ? )  It is exhausting to try to coerce others to do certain things. It is much more effective to try and negotiate with them. Be aware that everyone must be in agreement and be weary of so-called agreements which are in fact disguised obligations. You need to remain firm on the fact that you need their cooperation so that your needs are met, but also remain open to your needs being met differently than originally planned.

It’s not an easy process and this is why I often intervene and speak on this subject and train in people in business and why we also have in place workshops to accompany those who want to follow this path for their business or their families.

What lessons have you learned with your I quit complaining challenge?

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

IMGP6017

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com