First, I had to decide…

colorful-hot-air-balloon-high-definition-wallpaper-for-desktop-background-download-air-balloon-images-free

Doing this 21 days challenge to quit complaining was more a decision to do the challenge for myself (than for the ones bearing with me and my complaining!). I didn’t do this challenge because I wanted to be a better person for my kids or my spouse (even-thought this challenge truly transformed my relationship with them). I did this challenge because I wanted to transform my relationship with my life !

To be honest, I had plenty of reasons NOT  to do the challenge:  I was busy with work, kids, and I was moving…. etc. So I postponed for many months, until one day, I found myself drained and exhausted in my bed at the end of a “normal” day. That night, I realized I was letting my life pass me by without truly experiencing and savoring it. Even though,  I had a husband, children, and a job I loved, I found out I was complaining way too much (to be honest, I always considered myself to be positive and it took me a while to admit that I was a complainer). It hit me that, one day… (who knows when?)  I was going to die and realize that I had spent my entire life resisting my life! Something had to change… NOW !

Let me tell you that if you want to embark on this challenge, first, you need to do this from a place of curiosity (and not guilt). Imagine how your life  would look like if you could quit complaining? How much is it costing you to complain? Start everyday wondering what opportunities this day is  going to give you to be who you really want to be?  Go one day at a time and don’t give up ! You will fail, you’ll have to start over many, many times but each time you will learn. You’ll learn about what you need to change in your life (how about trying a new morning routine?), you’ll learn to surrender sometimes, you’ll learn to communicate better and to express your needs while resisting the urge to make people wrong…. It takes an average of 6 to 9 months to achieve 21 consecutive days without complaining, but what a journey !
 
Before my challenge I had this habit of pointing fingers at all the “guilty people” in my life (those who were not doing what I wanted them to!). They were the  reason for my misery! With this challenge,  I took a stand in  my life and decided that not matter what was going to happen during my day, I was not going to be a victim of anything or anyone.  One of my biggest lessons on this journey is that what was really preventing me to live the life I wanted was me. I had to stop blaming “the others” and I had to look within myself.

When you wake up in the morning and you decide that no matter what is going to happen, you won’t be a victim of anything or anyone… then everything becomes possible!
 
Please join us on July 1st as we are starting a Global 21 day challenge to Quit Complaining.
 

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

Join the 21 Day I Quit Complaining Challenge!

slide-IQuitComplaining-2

Have you ever noticed how when we desire to create change or give birth to a new reality in our life, we have a tendency to wait until everything is perfect?

Today, I’d like to invite you to join me and start your 21 Day Challenge!

THE CHALLENGE:

Goal: 21 consecutive days without complaining.

Why 21 days?

According to scientists a new habit is created or takes place in 21 days and it so happens that complaining is very much a habit for many of us.

A few rules to follow:
1. Start by wearing a bracelet on the wrist of your choice

2. If you find yourself complaining simply change the bracelet to the other wrist and start all over.

3. Don’t get discouraged and remain confident. It may take a few weeks or months to reach your goal but in the end, you’ll discover a new life filled with joy, love, and gratitude.

Why wear a bracelet?

A bracelet is a tool that allows us to be aware and reminds us of the challenge so we can better manage our progress on the path to a more serene life without complaining.

I also invite you to read the blog articles if you want to dig deeper on this topic and find out the backstory of my personal challenge to quit complaining and bitching!

Click here to join the 21 Day Quit Complaining Challenge on Facebook!

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.comand visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

Stop Allowing Others to Rob you of Your Joy!

Life-Is-Beautiful-Wallpaper

What if we stopped allowing others to rob us of our joy and serenity?  “Others” have the right the say “no” or say whatever they want for that matter ( as long as it’s not illegal) and we have the right not to take it personally and get offended.

When we allow what someone else says or does get on our nerves, we allow this person to control us.

What if we stopped putting our joy in someone else’s hands?

There will always be people who will not do what we like or will say things that we don’t appreciate.  We can blame them and make them wrong and guilty but when we do that we are positioning ourselves as victims as well. (there’s no guilty party, without a victim!)

On the other hand, we can make the firm decision that no matter what happens we will not be a victim, and no matter what others do or say we can enjoy living free and happy.

We can be determined to enjoy this beautiful day  (and this beautiful life ) which is given us to live !

What do you think?

Are you ready to  join me on July 1st for the Global 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining?  Click here to join the Facebook event and invite your friends!

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

WHEN OTHERS GET ON OUR NERVES

When we first start this challenge, we quickly realize that other people are what make us complain most of the time! “Our guilty ones”, as I call them. Human nature is not simple and sometimes, others can hurt us. We can’t understand their reactions, we fear not being respected or to be rejected…Others can anger us, stress us out, surprise us, disappoint us…And in those times it’s hard not to complain.

Tales of 2 wolves

There is a native Indian fable, told at night around the sacred fire, that discusses just that, and it really helped me to accomplish this challenge.

Tale of Two Wolves

One evening, an elderly

Cherokee brave told his
grandson about a battle that
goes on inside people.

He said “my son, the battle is
between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.
One is evil. It is anger,
envy, jealousy, sorrow,
regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.

The other is good.
It is joy, peace love, hope serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence,
empathy, generosity,
truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about
it for a minute and then asked
his grandfather:

“Which wolf wins?…”

the old Cherokee simply replied,
“the one that you feed”

 And you, which wolf are you feeding? Are you often offended by what others do? Do you feel judged, rejected, accused, neglected… Do you want to punish the ones that hurt you? Or do you refuse to speak to him or her to protect yourself?

This tale of two wolves invites us to understand that when we carry grief, we actually punish ourselves. In the end, we choose to cling to our suffering. We are very sensitive, our nerves are irritable and in the end we are prisoners of our own anger.

This challenge invites us to feed the good wolf living in harmony with others. The wolf who can healthily communicate in a constructive manner. The fair wolf, the wolf who has the courage to forgive to be free. The wolf who takes responsibility and doesn’t act like a victim. The wolf who chooses not to feel the attitude of others. The wolf who chooses happiness and serenity no matter what the others say.

I would like to invite you to observe your wolves and to see which one takes over in your life, at this very moment. Ask yourself if you are satisfied. Does it work for you?

If you want to live in peace, I suggest that you put a bracelet on your wrist and to start the ” 21 days I Quit Complaining Challenge”.  Don’t wait until tomorrow, accept the challenge now and get started. Every minute, each success and each failure is a rock that paves the road to a life of serenity.

Decide to get started, declare it to your friends and family members and go !

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2015

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

WHEN YOU TRY TO HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL

Life in the  21st century compels us to constantly climb up the ladder of success and become better organized. For most of us, this translates into being successful in our career, having a tranquil family life, having time for ourselves and being in good health. We put increasing pressure on ourselves, often driven by others’ expectations or by the standards imposed by society.

The boundary between work and private life is often blurred and everything overlaps in our agenda. We must succeed in everything and we are trying in vain to have a balanced life! Meetings, sport classes, family, kids’  afters school activities, things to finish up, errands to run … Our time is very precious and we are trying hard to balance it all throughout the day. 

Balance rocks

In our quest to successfully manage everything, we may  feel the need  to have everything under control, and our tolerance for the unexpected or for obstacles in the way  becomes very limited.
When we finally realize that we cannot control what happens in our lives, we can become  terribly frustrated because we feel slowed down and obstructed in our race and in our quest for balance. This can cause us to … start complaining.

It’s so frustrating not being able to control everything that happens around us, especially people and their reactions !  We learn that  life is not a theater stage and that we cannot always change the setting and decors  according to our wishes  and that we cannot direct others as a director does with actors. Quite often, things don’t go as we would like to or as we had planned. Even if we think we know exactly what is good for us, unfortunately, we cannot always choose what happens to us. If we believe that we can control others in our lives, we are delusional and we set ourselves up for major frustrations.

This quit complaining challenge helped me realize that it’s normal not to be able to control others like puppets. And that it’s essential to take in consideration a few things:

  • yes, others are also human beings like me and it ‘s  an illusion to believe that I can tell them to obey my wishes  at the lift of a finger;
  • and yes, sometimes things are slowed down, others are blocking my progress and disagree with my plans;
  • and yes, sometimes others are not ready, they may want to move slower or they may need to explore, to reflect …  they may even want to do things totally differently;
  • and yes, I am not all-powerful (darn!)… yet, I refuse to let this upset my overall life plans

The bottom line is that the less I complain,  the more likely I am to achieve my daily goals and make some space for what really matters, and this, with a smile on my face.

NB: This article was written earlier at the beginning of my 21 day Quit Complaining Challenge and since then, I have made great strides in balancing and juggling my personal and professional  life, which led to another book called WAKE  UP ! Four Fundamental Principles to Stop Living Life Half Asleep. I will share some of those tips from my bilingual coaching blog in future posts!

Love and Respect,

christine-signature

Christine Lewicki

© 2014

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

My Little Problems

This morning I woke up and I while getting my kids ready for school I became frustrated with the fact that once again I could not find my youngest daughter’s shoes. We were running late and I could feel the frustration building up in me.

And then I remembered…

I remembered that while I was dealing with my little drama, my friend was dealing with her son’s health who just got diagnosed with Leukemia and my other friend was helping her mom transition to the other side.

All of a sudden my little drama shrunk to its real size and I dealt with it without complaining.

My heart goes to all of you who are dealing with real challenges in your life.

Do not let negative thinking take over. Ask people to leave it at the door and invite them to come in your home only with Hope and Love.

Have a fabulous day!

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2011

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author. She is committed  to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

 

The 21 Day Challenge in Marie Claire!

For my American readers this is the US version of  the article featured in Marie Claire French Magazine this summer !  I wanted to share this article with you because it truly reflects my journey and some of the biggest lessons that I received when I did my  “I Stop Complaining” challenge!

This is the link to the Marie-Claire French Article! 

What is the 21 day Day Challenge?

What if we stopped complaining?   “It’s driving me nuts!” “ I can’t believe it! “ Your work  colleagues are not the only ones to complain, we are also guilty of it and more often than not!  Do you know that  people complain 20 to 70 times a day ? From this observation,  Christine Lewicki decided one day to stop complaining to celebrate life.  In her book  J’Arrête de Râler ! or  “ I Quit Complaining! “, she recounts her experience and kept track of the challenge: No complaining allowed  for 21 days.

What about you? Are you sick and tired of complaining?  Are you up for the  challenge, as well?

The Challenge: Stop Complaining for 21 Days!

Christine Lewicki was tired of complaining. Complaining about her children, the mess in her house, being late for appointments … everything was an excuse to complain, ruminate, and vent. Gradually, she realized that complaining all day made her life miserable instead of making it better. Following this observation she launched a somewhat unusual challenge: No complaining for 21 days. To make the challenge more tangible, she decided to wear a bracelet (or wristband)  that would change wrist each time a “complaint”  came out of her mouth. At this point each time she changed the wristband, she’d have to start the challenge  from scratch all over again ,until she reached 21 consecutive days! The wristband allowed her to embed the challenge in her brain and make her aware of her behavior.

Why 21 days?

Because it takes between 21 to 28 days to get rid of a habit and replace it with another. Indeed, our habits are deeply rooted in our unconscious and we tend to reenact them without even realizing it. Just like lighting up a cigarette after a meal, we complain when the alarm goes off or when no one helps to set the table …  By paying more attention, we notice that we tend to complain mechanically. Saying “I’m tired” at every turn or “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow”  have almost become automated language habits for some. So when you notice it and attempt to stop, it’s harder than what you ever  imagined.  Once that difficult  phase over , when we consciously force ourselves not to complain it becomes  gradually more natural. Most people who have embarked on the adventure have invested up to 2 to 10 months to complete the challenge.

What is complaining?

It is mismanaged  frustrations. It is expressing dissatisfaction by not even attempting to solve the problem. It is being resentful with the whole universe for something that we could have prevented or something without real importance in the first place. Sure, it would be unrealistic to say we can live without any frustrations, but we must find other ways to manage them. Developing new lifestyle habits is a start, for example getting up earlier to avoid being late and complaining because we are feeling rushed all the time .

Christine Lewicki has set a limit that complaining or rattling in her head did not count in the challenge. Phew! Because there, even the Dalai Lama would have failed. The “complaining” has to be embodied in words to be considered a real complaint and avoid elimination. Indeed, words are powerful and  become our own reality. By constantly repeating over and over again that we are tired of doing everything at home for instance, we forget that we could just ask our husband or the children to lend a hand, and we end up really doing it all ourselves grumbling under our own breath.

Stop Complaining: good reasons

Enjoying Life

By being in control all the time (time schedules, a desire to be always on top …) we forget to let go from time to time  to make room for the unexpected. By putting an halt to complaining,  free space  is created to allow thinking about other more positive things. It is important to understand that happiness does not depend on external circumstances but how we choose to live out these circumstances. If happiness depended only on external events, how is it that some people who have nothing are happier than others who have everything? In reality, it is all about mindset. When you’re positive, motivated, and serene vis-à-vis the vicissitudes of life, you can be rich or poor, unemployed or with a job… you will be happier than someone feeling stressed out and victimized.

Christine Lewicki even mentions a study * which shows that lottery winners were as happy or unhappy a year after winning the draw that changed their lives.  So why wait to have won the lottery, on to be on a vacation or to  have found a soul mate to be happy? Why not try to be here and now? And if we’re not, why not change now and  make every effort to become happy?

Complaining creates a gap with others! We all agree on this: nobody likes the company of a professional moaner. The doting old aunt who is always complaining about her children, dogs and neighbors … No thank you! While the colleague who’s always smiling and always has a kind word  doesn’t have time to complain.

Positive thinking develops our potential! This is obvious because complaining is done automatically, it requires no concentration! Reverse the trend and try to look on the bright side and find solutions necessarily demands becoming more conscious. But the consequence is that instead of being overwhelmed, we are relieved to have found a solution! We are feeling responsible for our lives and not victims and it feels GOOD.

Restoring the place of happiness in our lives! The idea is to replace all the “complaining” by celebration. It is always necessary and important to replace a habit with another. Christine Lewicki decided to take the time every evening to celebrate the good things that happened that day. During the meal, each family member tells about a positive element of his or her  day.

* By Daniel Todd Gilbert, a great professor of psychology at Harvard University.

A few tips to help stop complaining:

Adapt expectations to the reality of the moment

Where does complaining come from? Sometimes it’s simply because we have not adapted our expectations to the reality of the moment. The author offers a scenario from her own  life experiences: complaining while at the beach with her 3 children unable to read her magazine because she is interrupted every 3 minutes! It becomes clear that being at the beach with her 3 children is absolutely not the right time to enjoy reading. Try this experiment and it will lead inevitably to frustration. Timing plays a crucial role in the challenge as time at the beach for example, is more suitable  for  family games. It’s all about adapting to the situation!  Christine realized that if she wanted to enjoy a peaceful reading moment she could better set set up some time in the evening for it or plan to spend an hour at the local coffee place when her husband is home with the kids. Part of this challenge is also to allow yourself the permission to take care of your needs and ask for support.

Expressing Needs

Complaining  is not constructive: it does not help things, it worsens the situation and that of our surroundings. Instead of finding oneself in situations that make us rattle, better anticipate.  While on vacation with our friends, at work, or as a couple … it is useful to forewarn your entourage about things that irritate you or make you uncomfortable. The idea is to put limits and to avoid situations that can pollute our existence and put us in a bad position.

How about you, are you ready for the challenge? Would you be able to stop complaining for 21 days?

Love & Respect,

Christine Lewicki

© 2011

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author. She is committed  to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual